Happy Sunday!

Posted in Uncategorized on October 4, 2009 by razzledazzle

A Baby Story!

Posted in Uncategorized on September 29, 2009 by razzledazzle

Alright, here we go!

So its wednesday night, and im eating hotwings. well, “mild” wings because im a baby and even though i wanted to do the whole spicy food thing because it supposedly induces labor i couldnt actually  get myself to eat the hot ones.

Anyways, the next morning I woke up at 8:30 and felt really weird. Then I had my first contraction. 5 minutes later, I had another one. 4 minutes later, I had another one and woke up Ian and told him what was going on. I jumped in the shower real quick and Ian timed my contractions with a cell phone. They werent necessarily getting closer together, or getting more intense or anything so I thought maybe they were just painful braxton hicks. After a couple hours of this, Ian decided to call the hospital just in case and ask them what they think we should do. They told us to come in for a labor evaluation. Right before I left, I got my bloody show which is a sign that the baby is coming very soon. On the way, the contractions got worse and were only about 2 minutes apart.  I knew I was gonna have him that day and I got so emotional and started crying and stuff. Before we went in, we prayed in the parking lot that God would have His hands on everything that was going to happen.

So they hooked me up and everything and evaluated me and poked me with an IV to get me hydrated and stuff… and an hour or so later they admitted me. At around 6 I decided to get the epidural, I just was too tired to take the pain anymore. The epidural would not have been too painful if my back was straight. But I had to get poked with that needle 3 different times in 3 different spots before she actually got it in to my spine. I was crying. The hit and miss thing was very painful, but not as painful as the contractions were… not to mention I was having the contractions and being stuck with the needle at the same time.  Not too fun! BUT soooo worth it because it kicked in automatically and I couldnt even tell I was having contractions anymore! It was fabulous.

Then, me and the nurse watched project runway together.

At around 1am though, I started feeling things again, and the epi was wearing off… and even though I was pressing this little button that would give me some more meds, it wasnt working. I was 9.5 cm dilated but apparently the baby had moved and was pretty high up. The contractions were not moving him down the way that they should have. So at around 330 I started pushing to hopefully get him to turn around and come down. It worked!! It was painful, but it worked! And when I say I felt it, I felt it. And I couldnt control myself. I was in a totally different zone, and yelling and being generally insane cause the pain was so intense. I was exactly the woman I didnt want to be. There was even a time when a contraction was coming, and they told me to push and I told them no. hahaha. But somehow, with Ian holding my hand the whole time, I got through it and after a little over an hour of pushing, Anthony was born.  4:46am.


It was so surreal that I didnt even cry or anything right away. It was hard to believe that the 7.5 lb little boy in front of me was inside of me 5 minutes ago.

He is healthy and lovely and the cutest sweetest little boy ever. Ive never been happier in my entire life. He is so precious.


Posted in Uncategorized on September 22, 2009 by razzledazzle

I absolutely love my husband.

And as much as I want this baby to come right now, I really am enjoying the time that Ian and I get to have together until he gets here. 🙂 we had such a nice day today just hanging out and talking and listening to sermons and driving around. . . it was lovely and relaxing. Im so glad God gave me such a great man. He is going to be such a fantastic father, I am so thankful!

Anyways we went to the doctors today and she said that she would induce on the 30th if Anthony isnt here by then. hooray! 🙂 Im not dilated at all, but 50% effaced… but she said that the baby is really low and in position so at least thats good. (aka… hopefully no c-section needed!) So, at least I see an end in sight! whoo-hoo!

Also, i have PUPPPS, which is this awesome rash that appears late in your pregnancy and tortures you until you give birth. It affects a whopping 1% of all pregnancies. And nothing works for it. Nothing. Gold bond and a cold washcloth work the best for me, but the baby hates the cold and gets all wiggly and tries to kick the cloth off… its amusing on some level, until i start feeling bad for making him uncomfortable… even though im sure im MUCH more uncomfortable without my cloth! ha!

Anyway, thats the update! A week to go! Overall, Im pretty cranky and truly avoiding phone calls (sorry) because im just not in the mood for small talk. Im too uncomfortable to be able to focus on anything else than my own uncomfortability, and the last thing i want to do is complain on the phone. Oh, and I cut 15 inches off my hair! I donated it to locks of love. Its really short and I like it. It is super easy.

Ok thats really the update. Ive been having contractions tonight, and I really hope something comes of them. I doubt it though, but I hope so! 🙂


Posted in Uncategorized on September 16, 2009 by razzledazzle

tummies make it hard to sleep. Even with benedryl.  Its 1am and Im waiting for the meds to kick in and make me sleepy.

I wish I could turn the anxiety off but I cant seem to do it.

Im worried about every single thing I can possibly worry about, and about 98% of it is completely out of my control.

But, God keeps bringing me back to Matthew 6 where Jesus says:

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Keeping the kingdom of God at the forefront of my mind and heart is a difficult thing for me to do right now. The worries and what ifs and everything pile on so fast I dont even have time to react to them. And although He has never proven to be anything other than sufficient and in total and complete control, for some reason trusting those words above has been difficult for me too.

Please keep me in your prayers.

When the Saints

Posted in song lyrics on September 13, 2009 by razzledazzle

I know i have  posted this song before. But, It just hits me to the core everytime i hear it. It perfectly describes how I feel right now. Here are the lyrics.

“Lord I have a heavy burden of all I’ve seen and know
It’s more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cant let it go

And when I’m weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it’s all that I can’t carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who’ve gone before and lived the faithful life
their courage compells me
And when I’m weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharohs court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear
I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sister standing by the dying man’s side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door

I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
and when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them”

Posted in Uncategorized on September 11, 2009 by razzledazzle

This is not titled, because I dont know what Im going to write at all.

Well, first off this past week has been pretty up and down. I went to my prenatal appointment on Monday and my doctor was very concerned cause my bloodpressure was super super high, and there was protein in my urine. Apparently thats enough to take me out of work until I have the kid. And its enough for me to spend the entire day at the hospital getting test after test done. There was a bright side to this all! We got to get another ultrasound! 🙂 We were pretty excited to see Anthony again. We saw his face, he was sticking out his tongue and playing with his mouth and stuff. It was too cute (and the ultrasound tech thought it was like the cutest thing in the whole world, haha she was really nice). Anyways, the baby had to do a biophysical test which he passed with flying colors. Thank goodness. So I also had to do this 24 hour urine sample thing where i had to pee in a jug everytime i had to go, for 24 hours. It was every bit as fun as it sounds. Anyway, my pee came back ok but the doctor said that she still wants me out of work.  Thats fine. Except freaking HR doesnt know if THIS time is going to count against my 8 weeks maternity leave. Im pretty upset about the maternity leave/health insurance situation but i dont want to get into it here, especially because it makes me cry and theres nothing i can possibly do about it.  Subject change.

I want to move to Providence. I like it there. Ian just has to find a job usin his degree, and we will be all set (hopefully)… and maybe i can stay home with the baby. This is all very dreamy, keep in mind. Im just lettin my mind go wherever it wants to.

So my brother got a good job! He is the program coordinator for a camp! 🙂 Best part, is a free house to stay in!! 🙂 🙂 Im really happy for him, I know that he will do a good job!!!!

Anyways, as of tomorrow im 38 weeks pregnant. Yay!! Any day now! 🙂


Posted in Uncategorized on September 7, 2009 by razzledazzle

water break!!!

come ONNNNN.