If you grew up in church,

youve more than likely heard someone say to you something along the lines of “God has big things in store for your life”. or… “what God has planned for you is a million times better than anything you can plan for yourself… so heed to His will.” And youre given examples and testimonies of people with amazing ministries where they are able to apply their passions to sharing the Gospel with those who need to hear it.

Ive found myself thinking, how does that realate to me?

Does God really have “big things” in store for me? and i know thats a dumb question, cause anyone who knows God knows that He is more than capable and willing to give you the desires of your heart, and then some! So what is this doubt? Where is it coming from?

Well, as im writing this, Ive come to the conclusion that its not doubt in God, its doubt in myself.  I dont trust myself. I dont trust in my abilities, gifts, or talents all of which were given to me by God Himself! I have just now in this very moment realized that I am deathly afraid of failing, almost to the point of not trying.  Part of me is afraid that God is going to push me to do something that I am not able to do. Sounds silly. Especially coming from a girl who loves the Lord with everything, and tries to live by His will and morals and example…

And part of me feels like I definitely have an interest in too many things, in order for God to fulfill the desires of my heart. How silly is that? But, on some level… it must be what I think. I love to sing, and write and teach and learn and solve and figure people out. i love helping people & animals too. i have a passionate interest in the persecuted church as well as a wanting to see revival and the disolving of denominations. I want to see the true body of Christ revealed on this earth. I have a passionate reaction to people who pervert the Gospel and twist it in to something its not, for personal gain. I want to get married and have a family and raise them under the authority of the Lord. I will always carry a heavy burdon for my friends who do not know the Lord, and will pray for them until Im no longer on this earth. 

It is hard for me to see how all of me, can be fulfilled by anything this world has to offer. I want to do everything. And part of me is very doubtful that all I want to see and work towards, will actually happen.

Truth is, im scared to step out.

Truth is, I need to take this wall down.

Really get with God.

And give Him every single part of me.

 

I know its time. I know it is, I can feel it. And I cant let the fear of failure keep me from trying.

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