Its so cool

How God speaks through other people right to you. I just had a conversation with Sianie, and she doesnt know it, but she really really helped me out…

im sifting through so many thoughts and everything in my head in my spirit in my heart.

God is definitely trying to tell me something and i am closer and closer to figuring out what that something is. I mean, I know a little bit about what it is that he wants to hit home in my spirit right now.

Im having a lot of trouble with being self conscious. . . fearing i wont be happy. . . of not being able to make someone else happy just the way that I am… of not being enough of what I want to be enough of. I know that that doesnt really make sense to anyone… but its a battle ive had for a really long time, and i feel like its been sleeping. i thought i had delt with it, when in reality i just would morph in to whatever it was i wanted to be at the moment. but now im in a position where these issues i have need to be delt with, or i might ruin something really wonderful. I need to deal with this because until i am truly and deeply happy with myself and who God has made me to be, i will not be able to do what I am called to do in His name.

I am so thankful for friends. True friends. I only have a few, and I dont talk to them everyday, and they may not understand me at all, bc heck i dont even understand myself.  but its those people who God just… uses to reach me sometimes. its those people who give me hope. i dont feel crazy, because someone understands what it is that is going through my head and my heart. God, through Sian today showed me that im not a weirdo. That if she can understand thoughts in my head, insecurities i have, fears i have… then certainly He understands too.

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