that i am writing in here, and my journal at the same time. and the things that im writing in my journal i cannot write in here… because its just too personal. its just a pretty elaborate extention of the last entry… followed by God showing me Phillipians 4:4-9.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

BAM! right in my face!! I love it when that happens. God loves us.

Im at work right now. Im still not very understanding of what happens when you get more than one call at a time. its quite … confusing but thats all right. ill figure it out.

anyways… what else was I going to say?

I went to the gym last night and it was amazing. I am so stinkin out of shape, its unreal. this is probably the biggest I have ever been in my life. but you know what? every day is a new day. Im sick of feeling uncomfortable about how I look and not doin anything about it. well, now im doin somethin. Im gettin in shape! and yeah, anyone who has known me for at least a year, knows that I go through this quite often. But seriously, im serious now. 😛 One thing I really dont like, is that I dont sweat.

I just get really hot, and kind of sticky… but I dont sweat. That means I dont drink enough water, so smart me decided to drink a TON of water before bed last night. I was seriously up every 5 minutes usin the bathroom. I dont know why im sharing this right now. probably because I have nothing better to do, really.

Goodness gracious. Ever get the feeling that your pissin everyone off around you? yeah, ive had that feeling for about a week or so now. And I dont really know what to do with it, because I really am doing my best. So I run. Im tellin you, the motivation that kelly clarkson gives me is increadible!! i freaking love her.

This entry is going to be long and pointless, I can tell. I apologize.

I dont know how i become so fixated on little things. Well, I guess its not really a little thing… if it turns out to be a bigger thing… so maybe its alright. Im not thinking of it as a little thing, when I feel like maybe I should be. Why is it so easy to forget pain, when there is an opportunity for happiness staring you right in the face? I dont know if thats a good thing or bad thing. Is it clouding my judgement? Who knows? I think thats whats bothering me the most. That I just went through this pretty serious thing, and now all of a sudden, its pretty much forgotten. It scares me, because what if its just hidden? Id love for my heart to be healed, but I wonder if God would really work that fast. I dont think so. I wish I could get this whole thing out of my head…. but why? so I can focus on the things I dont have and be sad? no. Why am i following these little rules in my head that I made up? Should I stick to them, or toss them aside? Obviousely they havent gotten me very far… So that is my conflict.  Which, in essence brings me right back to where I started… Phillipians 4:4-9.  See how that works?

Whoo… i feel a little better now… even though I have already written this whole thing out in my journal. This entry is really long so I doubt that anyone has actually gotten to the end. mwahaha!

 I just like hearin the keys of the keyboard… it makes me feel like im doing something semi-productive… which i guess i am. exploring my internal conflicts. Someone told me a few years ago, that im not introspective enough. i wonder if he was right. because honestly, i dont do this often which is why i feel so weird right now. i dont know how i like it.


3 Responses to “strange”

  1. Hello sis-in-Christ

    Whatever it is, hang on there as He is faithful and will see you thru the seasons in and out 🙂

  2. thank you very much for your encouragement. i added you on myspace, if youre wondering who that was! 😛

  3. Most welcome sis =)

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