I really hope

that today is not a repeat of last week. i broke. i couldnt control myself. thank God there were people there to pick me up and pray for me. Just, no one should have things like that shoved in their face so soon. i was repulsed.  I almost dont want to go tonight, but i feel like that would be giving up. letting things affect my relationship with God and i shouldnt do that. I just … i dont know. i wonder if pete is here. he was supposed to be back this week, but no one has really heard from him so i dont really know. right now im reading IKings 3… “Solomon requests wisdom”  Solomon askes the Lord “Therefore give to Your servant an understanding heart to judge Your people, that I may discern between good and evil” and then God answers him sayin “Because you have asked this thing, and have not asked long life for yourself, nor have asked riches for yourself, nor have asked the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to disern justice, behold i have done according to your words.” And then God not only gives him a wise and understanding heart, but he also gives him the things he has not asked for! Why am I so concerned about the “extra”? I say that I trust the Lord with my life, however i find myself praying for such trivial things sometimes. I dont know. I know that doesnt reall make much sense… But I just feel as if I need to refocus.

Last night some people came over and we took a trip to taco bell. why is it that people (me included) still eat there, KNOWING that they will be on the toilet less than 3 hours after digestion? Is it really THAT good? i believe it is. Now, I feel like I have just recently given taco bell a chance. in high school, my best friend would eat taco bell every single day. every day! so i never ever ate it… to balance it out. but now … starting a couple months ago, i cant get enough chicken chalupas. whats up with that? my butt still hurts from the backlash.

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