more than anything…

ok well maybe not more than anything… but more than a lot of things, i wish that i could write songs. this, however, doesnt stop me from writing really crappy songs. but i like them. not because they are good, but because they are mine. yeah whats my point? i dont really have one so youre gonna have to deal with it.

im just a big ball of…. ?????????

i dont know what i want to do. what im supposed to do. about anything. today was such a frustrating day, in general and i dont even know why. just one of those days where it feels like my insides are in a soundproof room, screaming as loud as they can…. but cant break through the barrier of muscle, bone and skin. i hate this feeling. and i honestly dont know how to stop it from comingon.

american idol was good tonight. the girls were awesome. only the black ones and the mixed ones can sing though… except for the one girl who sang “all by myself” i think the song was a little too big for her, but i like that she has power in her voice. the one whos from philly has a different sounding voice… but she shouldnt make it too far. aaaaaaaaanyway.

other than that, today was pretty much allaround crappy. sometimes i wish this thing was private so that i could write what i truly wanted… but thats what my written journal is for, i guess. i dont want people thinking im all depressed and getting worried and everything.

im fine.


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