without a break that really start to wear me out.
work from 9-2 rehearsal from 2-3 and work again from 3-6. im tired. and i need to eat. next meal for me will be around 9pm and im quite excited about it. i dont really know why. probably because a friendship that i was so certain i had screwed up, is being rebuilt…
i really am fighting this urge to move away. strangley enough, the thing thats keeping me here is my family. i wanna hang out with my mom every monday night, ya know? and i dont want to move away from christine . and lima. and of course ian. and … goodness gracious…. but there is such an instinct for me to just… go.
go.
itd be cool to like… go with one person to a new city…. and live there. like… if D wanted to move somewhere and needed a roommate… id really be tempted to go. or if lima did. or christine. or i dunno… i wanna go by myself too.
its just that i see all these people i went to school with and grew up with, get married and im just saying to myself. . . yeah i wanna get married. but do i know if thats even going to happen?? no. so i need to be treasuring the time i have now and take advantage of it! i need to be spur of the moment, and take day trips with girlfriends and do everything that a girl who doesnt have to worry about cooking or looking after a family can do! even if that means something as little as being able to plan a day trip to NYC.
i just look at it like this.
yes, i want to get married. yes i want to have kids. yes. im a girl in my twenties and thats what we think about. but theres going to be a time where i am going to have that life, and im going to look back at the time that i have right now and wish that i would have thought about something else. wish i would have taken advantage of the time God has given me now. the freedom i have, and the fun that it is to kind of be unsure about someone. the mystery is fun!! its not to be rushed out of… ok im just babbling nowwww.
holly told me that they fixed the fan in our bathroom today!! HOORAY!!!!!!!! you have no idea how stinking happy that makes me! everytime i would go in to the bathroom … id turn on the light and the fan would come on and make the most obnoxious sound in the UNIVERSE. and i would get annoyed and beat the crap out of it. and then dust would fall in to my hair and eyes and i would curse in my mind (and sometimes out loud) at the stupid fan. but now its fixed. and now i am happy.
Im really excited about finding a church in the area and stuff. I would really like to be a part of a smallgroup or a womens ministry with people a little older than I am… whove been in this weird stage in my life… so i dont feel crazy anymore. well i dont really feel crazy.
