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“you give me butterflies”

i have that song in my head.

this weekend is going to be good i can feel it.

I found out there is an arbys by my house. life is good.

finally, as a citizen of the 21st century… i got a laptop. only 500 bucks. Jesus loves me.

I think I need a new journal…. mine is falling apart but its a shame because i really likethis one. i dont think im going to get a new journal.

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I Peter 3:3&4

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel- rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very preciious in the sight of God”

in the king james version, it is translated as “meekness and quietness” so I want to find out what it is to be meek. Strongs concordance says this about it.

1) mildness of disposition, gentleness of spirit, meekness

“Meekness toward God is that disposition of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting. In the OT, the meek are those wholly relying on God rather than their own strength to defend against injustice. Thus, meekness toward evil people means knowing God is permitting the injuries they inflict, that He is using them to purify His elect, and that He will deliver His elect in His time (Isa 41:17, Luk 18:1-8). Gentleness or meekness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest. It stems from trust in God’s goodness and control over the situation. The gentle person is not occupied with self at all. This is a work of the Holy Spirit, not of the human will (Gal 5:23).”

kind of makes you think a little bit, huh?

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“Holy Spirit Gift from God. Teach my soul to soar…”

I no longer want to be someone who is consumed by the innerworkings and petty problems of my own life.

I have one desire and that’s to serve His kingdom. As far as personal lives are concerned, I only want to be concerned with the things that will affect my or anybody else’s ability to do so (good or bad).  I feel that everything else is a waste of time and energy. It sounds harsh…but thats where I am right now. I feel like I cant be bothered with this petty stuff anymore, you know? and im not talking about just from others, im talking about wasting my thoughts and energy on things that I know the Lord is working out in His own time, in His own way. I need to trust Him, ya know? My focus right now needs to be on His word. So if you are expecting me to have ”venting ears” about someone or something, I really dont want to hear it. Ill be more than happy to help you fix the problem, but if youre just planning to wallow in your bitterness, youre going to have to find someone else to “vent” to cause its causing us to lose focus. Let’s grow up, guys. Lets not make pettiness our lives. 

I Peter 2:1-3:

“Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and all evil speaking, as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby if  indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.”

My desire is to grow in word and in truth so that when God calls me, I am ready. I know this time is prep time… and i know that sounds weird, but thats how I feel. I need to take advantage of this wonderful time I have right now. I have so much time to read  and pray and write, and … I dont know. Maybe life just hasnt hit me yet, but I cant keep thinking that this is a coincidence. God just keeps giving me time and I need to be using every  moment.

Extensive Compilation Pt 1

of song lyrics describing my heart right now.

           

*Take my heart, I Lay it down
At the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it up to You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
You’re my delights, be my everything

And It’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

You should see the view
When it’s only You* (DavidCrowderBand)

*My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So wont you kill me? So I die happy… My heart is yours to fill or burst. To break or bury… or wear as jewelry… whichever you prefer* (DashboardConfessional)

*And I dont know. This could break my heart, or save me. Nothings real, until you let go completely. So here I go with all my  thoughts ive been saving. So hear I go with all my fears weighing on me* (KellyClarkson)

*You saw my mistakes
And watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper
Be my best friend
And you said, I Am* (NicoleNordeman)

*And I dont want the world to see me ’cause I dont think that theyd understand…       when everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am* (GooGooDolls)

*I wanna set the world on fire
Until it`s burning bright for You
It`s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use? I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There`s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do. I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father`s hands

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me. I’m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire* (BrittNicole)

*You’ve got magic inside your finger tips
its leaking out all over my skin
everytime that i get close to you
your makin me weak with the way you
look through these eyes* (ColbieCaillat)

*I don’t know if you’re near or far away
But I know that I’m thinking of you today
I don’t know if I even know your name
But I know that I’m praying for you just the same
Someday we’ll fall in love
You’ll be mine and I will be yours
Our hearts will be one
And our love will ever endure* (LaRue) 

*And all i see is your face
all i need is your touch
wake me up with your lips
come at me from up above
oh i need you
I remember the way that you move
youre dancin easily through my dreams
its hittin me harder and harder with all your smiles* (ColbieCaillat)

i dont know

if anyone relates to me, in the sense that i often attribute song lyrics to the way i feel.

there are SO MANY songs that are in my head right now. so many lyrics. so many things i want to get out.

maybe tomorrow, i will make a list of song lyrics that i am feeling…  lol. maybe thats what ill do when im at work tomorrow.

it was one of those

nights where the moment i focused on the presence of God, i crumbled.

i didnt realize how much i have been carrying around. the moment i walked in to the sanctuary tonight, i started crying, and i didnt stop until i had to leave. i could have sat there all night. i think thats what ill do tonight. take advantage of my empty apartment.

on another note…

can i just say…

i LOVE my eagles!!!!!!! even in their terribly ugly “anniversary” uniforms! LOVE THEM!

E-A-G-L-E-S……………… EAGLES!!!!

I love this song

“You’ve got magic inside your finger tips
its leaking out all over my skin
everytime that i get close to you
your makin me weak with the way you
look through those eyes
And all i see is your face
all i need is your touch
wake me up with your lips
come at me from up above
I need you’

I remember the way that you move
youre dancin easily through my dreams
its hittin me harder and harder with all your smiles
you are crazy gentle in the way you kissAll i see is your face
all i need is your touch
wake me up with your lips
come at me from up above

baby i need you
to see me, the way i see you
lovely, wide awake in
the middle of my dreamsAnd all i see is your face
all i need is your touch
wake me up with your lips
come at me from up above
I need you”  – Colbie Callait