i just registered for classes!! 
im so excited. now i just have to fax everything to the loan people and get my books and get goin!! im so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! khdsfkjasfkjhasfdjhkasfhkjdashlfdjhdsf. <—- that was all excitement.
a new beginning. im not gonna screw this one up.
How when you ask God for confirmation, he sometimes smacks you right in the face with it. I am so excited.
“…walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.” Ephesians 4:1-6
And, now that i am reading it over and over again, Im getting answers to other questions I have asked. seemingly ”less big” questions but wow. alskdjflaksjfdlkasjdfalksjdflkj! im so excited to get going!!
how, when you ask God to open your eyes to the things you struggle with, He sometimes uses other people to help point these things out. It wasnt until today, that I realized that my view of “romantic relationships” has been off for many years. I let the world, the culture, skew my views of dating and marriage. Today, I got the urge to watch a whole series about marriage. The way God intended marriage. (its at northpoint.org if youre interested). It just made me see the holiness of marriage, I saw what marriage was, through God’s eyes. Characteristics of a Godly husband and characteristics of a Godly wife. & I am so greatful God showed me this. Then, I was talking to a friend today who shared with me that he felt convicted when doing physical things with someone he knew he probably wasnt going to marry. i got to thinking, would i have felt convicted in that situation?? no. probably not. it was just a kiss. why did he feel so heavy about something that “was no big deal?” well, according to the world, it was no big deal… but how he saw it, was that he was kissing someone else’s future wife. She didnt belong to him, so he had no right doing those things with her. I used to feel that way, too. Where did my conviction go? I numbed myself, when I should not have. I had adopted the thoughts of the fallen world around me. Well, God stirred up my soul.
& Im telling you this right now. The next person I kiss, will be my husband. Not someone who I think will be my husband, not someone who says he wants to be my husband, but my husband. no if ands or buts about it. I just think about all the times ive given of myself in situations, and regret it later. I wonder how much more peaceful a separation would have been, if I had guarded myself physically and emotionally. Im getting a picture of what a true Godly relationship is supposed to look like. What a true, Godly marriage is supposed to look like. And I want that more than anything. To raise a family who loves and serves the Lord who loves us. Whenever God has that for me, is fine. Im not rushing in to anything. I have to be sure. But as I am waiting, Im no longer just going to give away pieces of myself. My promise ring means so much more now.
that I can sit and listen to sermons all day long.
im lucky.
but i dont feel well today.
but im still blessed.
i cant wait to go home and sleep. sleep. sleep. i have to figure out this school loan thing though first, which should be tons of fun!
I was talkin to someone last night, and he posed the questions, why do we pray? does praying really change God’s will? Wont his will be done whether or not we pray for certain situations? And if thats the case, then whats the point?
soooo i decided what better way to spend my day at work, then to try to tackle that HUGE question? Honestly, id never thought about it. Praying has always been a very natural part of my life, and I never really questioned why I did it… so it was really cool to be challenged by that question.
First of all, my initial response to this was… maybe we pray more for ourselves than for God. We do need to continue to humble ourselves in His presence, bring to him the things we are anxious about, so He will give us His peace. (Philippians 4:9-11). Its a constant reminder that He is God, and He controls everything. Praying for me is admitting that I cant do things by myself, and I need His help. I think praying also makes you more sensitive to be able to identify when God answers those prayers. Giving us even more affirmation that God is God and nothing is too big for Him to tackle. Its part of our relationship with God. Giving Him the things that are on our hearts. And the cool thing is, is that He listens!! The thing that is difficult to do is to believe the prayers you pray, can be answered. Never doubt the power of God! In Matthew it says:
“So Jesus answered and said to them, “Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ it will be done. And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”
In Mark, it says:
Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.”
Ok. So if we believe the things we are praying, then they will be heard and honored. But does this happen with every single prayer?? hm. what if your prayer doesnt match up with the word of God, or the will of God? Thats when we have to see how Jesus tells us to pray. According to Jesus, the model prayer includes ” Your kingdom come, Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.” so in all prayers we should be praying for Gods will above our own.
I view prayer and intercession as two different things. I cant explain why, but I do. The Bible talks a lot about interceding for others as Jesus has interceded for us. Hebrews says
“Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.”
It is almost instinctual to intercede for others, when the Holy Spirit is in you because thats what Jesus came here to do! In Romans it says:
“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
So my conclusion?
We pray to build our relationship with God. To build our faith in God. To humble ourselves before His throne and give Him our whole hearts. Thats what He wants. He wants us. Not what we do, or how much we do, he wants our very being. And he doesnt just come in and take it, we have to be willing to give it to Him.
We intercede because its in us to do so. We are called to be like Jesus, and thats what Jesus came here to do. I always think its cool while im praying, that sometimes I will pray for things totally off the wall. Ive prayed for rape victims, abused children, drug addicts, just… all kinds of things that I dont think about on a regular basis. I know that its the Holy Spirit leading me to intercede for these people.
Ok, well that didnt really take as long as I anticipated… but thats alright. 
Ive decided I need to increase my prayer life. Yeah, I talk to God all day long, but how much of that is in total reverence and awe of who He is? So after work from now on ill be in the sanctuary for a period of time. I love Him, and want to spend time with Him.
Im excited.
im really excited because i figured out that i can put music on my computer at work! hooray! of course its all Christian, and im glad cause it puts me in a good mood anyways. keeps my head on positive things. like… that verse in colossians.
mmm…
“keep your mind on things above, not things of the earth.” of course im paraphrasing.
I dont remember who I was talking to… oh yeah. amanda. i was talking to amanda about how we love praise&worship songs that paint a picture. Im thinking of this because one of her favorite songs are “take me in to the holy of holies” … and i just thought it was cool because i always kinda liked it, but it wasnt until i read the end of ezekiel where God showed him the temple and all the dimentions and stuff that i really really appreciated what it was saying. the same thing with “Revelation Song” it wasnt until I read those verses myself that I really appreciated it. I love that.lkfjalksjfdlaksjdf.
I love other things too.
I think im in a silly mood today. a silly mood, wasted in a chair… in front of a keyboard. how sad! its not, actually. me and God are silly together. I figure that if God made silly people, then He has to be silly too! I hope whoever my husband is, is silly. Life could be really crappy without some laughter.
Question. When people ask how you are, do they really want to know? When you ask someone how they are, do you really wanna know? When people ask you, do you tell them the truth?
yeah, thats not really important is it? but still… i dunno.
I spent some time in the sactuary after work yesterday, just crying out to the Lord. Sometimes I just… am confused. I dont want to make wrong decisions. But, as long as they glorify God, I dont really see the harm. Also, im still trying to figure out why I am here. But then the Lord just shows me this verse…
“Thus says God the LORD,
Who created the heavens and stretched them out,
Who spread forth the earth and that which comes from it,
Who gives breath to the people on it,
And spirit to those who walk on it:
“ I, the LORD, have called You in righteousness,
And will hold Your hand;
I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people,
As a light to the Gentiles,
To open blind eyes,
To bring out prisoners from the prison,
Those who sit in darkness from the prison house.
I am the LORD, that is My name;
And My glory I will not give to another,
Nor My praise to carved images.
Behold, the former things have come to pass,
And new things I declare;
Before they spring forth I tell you of them” Isaiah 42:5-9
I know that in context, God is probably talking about Jesus. However, He has used this verse to tell me what it is I will be doing with my life. He has used this to tell me that he will always be standing right next to me through this all.
Is it bad that I like someone? nope. i dont think its bad. itd be bad if he was bad but hes good so its good. we will see what the Lord has in store.
that this song is about God. How did I miss that??
“Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I’m closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I’m falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I’ve held onto
I’m standing here until you make me move
I’m hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I’m lacking
Completely incomplete
I’ll take your invitation
You take all of me now…
I’m falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I’ve held onto
I’m standing here until you make me move
I’m hanging by a moment here with you
I’m living for the only thing I know
I’m running and not quite sure where to go
And I don’t know what I’m diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There’s nothing else to lose
There’s nothing else to find
There’s nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else ” -Lifehouse
i almost got upset about something dumb. the date on my blog is one day ahead of the actual date and i dont know how to fix it.
needless to say, im a little on edge today… and i dont know why. maybe because i dont really to know what to do with myself. all this energy and stuff built up inside has no outlet! maybe its because im stuck in this chair until 5.
laksjdflkjsadfalksfjalksdjfkdkdkd.
soooooooooooo yeah last night pastor ray talked about different things that you need to look for in a spouse… which inspired me to make my OWN list. (this is probably my millionth list). i am gonna start with the things that pastor ray said… because they were all good things.
1. Spiritual : to me, this means constantly wanting to grow in your personal relationship with the Lord. I need a guy who is constantly seeking His face, and His will above all else. I want to come second in His life. Id love someone who I feel comfortable talking about the Bible. Things I dont understand, things i think are awesome. I want to discuss things with someone who has a different perspective than I have. Someone who will teach me things and challenge me to grow spiritually. Someone I can pray with. Share the things that God has put in my heart with. Someone who will get excited about these things with me! and someone who will help me run after those things and run right beside me.
2. Emotionally Stable: to me, this means someone who knows who he is, identifies how he feels and why he feels that way. i dont think its fair to demand complete emotionally stability right off the bat, however I need someone who can recognize his flaws, and work to improve them. I love helping people do this… and I need someone who turns to me from time to time. basically my best friend. Who trusts me enough to know that i want what is best for him. someone who wants me to turn to him as well. who doesnt feel burdened by me. who is genuinely interested in his own and my wellbeing.
3. Smart: for me, I need someone strong in his opinions, but willing to listen to the opinions of others. Someone who can carry an intelligent conversation.
4. Sensitive: This is probably one of the most important things to me. I need someone who values, appreciates, and listens to me! the most frustrating thing in the world is talking to someone who is a brick wall. who doesnt respond to ANYTHING you are saying. who doesnt look at you when you talk. I need my husband to be sensitive to these things. I need eye contact! lol. I have a strange sense of humor. when i make a dumb joke, pretend to laugh, call me a dork, just dont make me feel stupid. I need to feel like there is an effort to know me as a person. Who I am, where I came from, why I respond to things the way that I do. Someone who is genuinely interested in the personality God gave me. Someone who looks at me, and smiles bc he likes who i am. djfalksjdflkasd.
Dangit, I cant wait to fall in love. Real love, Godly love, with someone who is all of this and much more. Itd be great if I could pick the person, BUT we will see what Gods will is. Right now, Im enjoying the fluttery feeling, although it does get annoying.
I told the Lord that no matter who he brought in to my life, I wouldnt get in to a serious relationship until at least December. I dont want to rush in to anything. I wanna give myself a chance to settle and refocus on school and routine and time management and money management and all that jazz. But im definitely… interested.
at work. til 5. left with nothing to do but answer phones and type my thoughts away on to this here computer.
last night i was prayin. yeah, i do that a lot. but this was different. i felt like i wasnt in my own body. i know that may sound weird, but it was awesome. ive been prayin a lot lately about a lot of different things.
saturday sent me in to a whirlwind. im all like… “whatever you want, Lord… but I hope you want this cause that would be awesome” and then i get told ” be patient” so i will. i will try to. but if these feelings and little inklings arent right, please take them away. i only want Gods best for my life. if this isnt it, then show me. show me. youve done it so many times before. i trust He will show me. if it is Your best for me, then please help the focus remain on You. I dont want to rush in to anything. But im excited for the possibility. Friendship, more than that, whatever it is you have planned. Im just glad, Lord. Youre amazing.
Ill write more later, im sure. I gotta read philippians.
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