One of the Most Beautiful Songs Ive Ever Heard

“I Am” -Nichole Nordeman

Pencil marks on a wall, I wasn’t always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed
You watched my team win
You watched my team lose
Watched when my bicycle went down again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said, Elbow Healer, Superhero
Come if You can
You said, I Am

Only sixteen, life is so mean
What kind of curfew is at 10pm?
You saw my mistakes
And watched my heart break
Heard when I swore I’d never love again
And when I was weak, unable to speak
Still I could call You by name
And I said Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper
Be my best friend
And you said, I Am

You saw me wear white by pale candlelight
I said forever to what lies ahead
Two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream
Too much it might seem when it is 2am
And when I am weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Shepherd, Savior, Pasture Maker
Hold onto my hand
You say, I Am

The winds of change and circumstance blow in and all around us
So we find a foothold that’s familiar
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer

When life had begun, I was woven and spun
You let the angels dance around the throne
And who can say when, but they’ll dance again
When I am free and finally headed home
I will be weak, unable to speak
Still I will call You by name
Creator, Maker, Life Sustainer
Comforter, Healer, my Redeemer
Lord and King, Beginning and the End

I Am
Yes, I Am

Tonight

was fun. Lima and Holly came over and Lima made spanish food. mmmm. and me and holly ate it. lol. but yeah, we watched “the breakup” which actually made us more mad, than happy. lol. just. why are guys so one track minded?? and why dont they come after us???? all we, as girls want… is for a guy to fight for us. to come after us when we walk away mad. to care. thats it… but guys dont do that. *sigh. lol. that was our big question of the night.

What are we doing to achieve this?

“Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.” I Corinthians 1:10

Same mind, and same judgment. One body, one mind, one heart. I dont know. I dont feel united as Christians, at all. There are so many who give us a bad name, that it scares the rest of us in to sitting still bc we are afraid of being judged. Is that it? Or maybe we are just selfish. Maybe we want to do the part of Gods work that is easy.

“Telling people how they should live” but when it comes to loving people, and living that way ourselves, its too hard and we just want to blend in and be liked by everyone. Paul tells us that in order to be a good servant of the Lord, we must crucify our flesh as Jesus was crucified. Meaning, those things we want to do … just to be like the rest of the world, we shouldnt do. We are called to live in holiness. Everyone. Whether you accept that call or not, its up to you… but you must do one or the other.

James says “Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.”

Thats our call to holiness. And not just to receive the words, but to put them in to action.

James goes on to say “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was.”

Dont be afraid of living the way you were called to live. You know it in your heart, you can feel it. Ignoring it, is just deceiving yourself.  Yeah its hard, and yeah youre gonna mess up. But in James it also says “Humble yourseves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.”

In order to be one body, we must separate ourselves from the world. Not the people in the world, but the attitude. The immediate gratification. The casual sex, the drinking and drugs, the porn, the gossiping all that stuff that in the moment, may make you feel good… but once you look at yourself in the mirrow, your heart feels a little bit darker. The things that you know, arent the way the God you decided to serve, wants you to live. Stop ignoring those inklings and ask God to help you out of it.

We need to be one body. One judgement. One heart with one goal. We cant do that until we disconnect from those things that arent getting us anywhere. I know its hard, but lets pick ourselves up. Lets pick eachother up so we can serve Him who sent us.

Peter says:

“as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct.” IPeter 1:14-15

Im not coppin out

“Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago

Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I’m not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You

Twenty four reasons to admit that I’m wrong
With all my excuses still twenty four strong

See I’m not copping out not copping out not copping out
When You’re raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now

And You’re raising these twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true

I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
You’re raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, oh I am the second man now
And You’re raising the dead in me

I want to see miracles, see the world change
Wrestled the angel, for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I’m singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And You’re raising the dead in me
Twenty four voices
With twenty four hearts
With all of my symphonies
In twenty four parts.
I’m not copping out. Not copping out. Not copping out.”

          -Switchfoot

apparently theres more

More I wanted to write. Yesterday or the day before, i was watching Montel, and psychic sylvia browne was on there. And, I dont know … something about her made me physically sick. I never really like… outright thought she was a psychic but i never really thought she was a total fraud either. i thought maybe she had “a gift from God” and was using it to help people. Yeah, a lot of her descriptions of the “spirit world” and stuff like that were totally not in line with what I believe, but … to each his own. Well, something bothered me about her this particular day, and I couldnt put my finger on it. Maybe it was the distressed look on peoples faces who longed for closure. Maybe it was her cold disposition. Something just didnt feel right. So I looked on Youtube for incorrect predicions by this woman. THere was so much. There was a cnn report done on her when that kid, shawn hornbeck was found. (apparently she told the parents he was dead in the water somewhere). There was a WHOLE bunch of stuff. So eventually I was lead to the stopsylviabrowne.com website. There were so many articles proving how fake she was and how she preyed on the grieving.  All I could think about was my old roommate. How, in her time of grief, she actually looked in to contacting Sylvia for some kind of closure. 700 dollars for a 20 minute phone call saying “hes on the other side, and hes ok and he says he loves you.” And when I thought about how vulnerable she was at that moment, I got angry. Because there are terrible people in the world who use that hurt for their own gain.

People begging for closure and not sure where to look. I guess thats why in I John, it tells us : “Beloved do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world” and in Matthew it says: “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves”

Its sad, but there are people who are preying on the weak. A lot of them are televangelists too. “Christians.” Its sad. But, God does warn us about these things, its up to us to heed his word or not.

But yeah, if youre one of those people who are like…. thinking that psychic sylvia browne could be real. please visit stopsylviabrowne.com. there is a lot of evidence to consider. She is stealing millions of dollars from people.

That was my rant for the day.

today

im helping michelle move out. it would be sad, but she was never here so its not really that sad at all. I think this weekend, Holly is going to start moving her stuff in. The coolest thing about being single, is seeing everyone for who they are, again. not that i didnt do that before, but my attention was divided. Now when i look at a person, I really really look at them. I dont think any of this makes any sense to anyone besides me. But who cares. One thing i really do like about myself is that God gave me the ability to see people very clearly. I can look at someone, and (sometimes) know exactly what they are going through. I know what their struggles are, what is holding on to them. Its strange, and Ive been able to do this for a while, and then I read in the Bible about the gift of knowledge… and I think that I might have some of that. God is cool. But its strange, because why would he give someone that, who is not very good at talking to people? Yeah, I dont know. And I dont really know what to do with it. But i love seeing things about people quickly, that no one else has really picked up on. Thats all.

Ive been thinking a lot

about my weight. ugh i know i know. “youre not fat, blah blah blah” well im not saying i am. what i am saying is that ive looked better than this in the past, so i know im capable of toning up. ill never be ms skinny who looks amazing in miniskirts. God blessed me with natural curves and muscle that dont really fit in with the world’s standard as “beautiful”. so basically what im getting at is i want to lose about 20 lbs, give or take. im not gonna kill myself to do that. im jsut gonna start hittin the gym regularly, eat more apples, and see where that takes me.

Maybe

i am strange. Maybe i am weird for loving Jesus so much. This guy ive never seen with my eyes or touched with my hands. Maybe it is strange that everything in my life, I want to do for Him and Him alone. Ill be honest. Ive been feeling a little self conscious lately. I look around me, and I see people who are like me. Who are running after God with everything they have. But then I look beyond them… and I wonder. Why am i so different from the rest of the world? Why was this passion put in me? Why cant I be happy without living for Him? Am I really that strange. Why am I not ok with comprimising myself? How is it so easy for everyone else, but so difficult for me?

 Dont get me wrong, Im not going through a complex where I want to live in the world and love God at the same time. Not at all. I love that the Lord has put these things in my heart. That my goal is to be holy and filled with love. But, in the scheme of things, I do feel like im alone. Like being the weird kid in school. And lately, Ive just been wondering… why.

 ”I, the LORD, have called You in righteousness,
      And will hold Your hand;
      I will keep You and give You as a covenant to the people,
      As a light to the Gentiles, 
      To open blind eyes,
      To bring out prisoners from the prison,
      Those who sit in darkness from the prison house. 
       I am the LORD, that is My name;
      And My glory I will not give to another,
      Nor My praise to carved images. 
      Behold, the former things have come to pass, 
      And new things I declare;
      Before they spring forth I tell you of them.”

Isaiah 42:6-9

Just wondering…

Where are todays prophets?