small update.

I have been up all night, for the second night in a row thanks to a teething baby. Poor little guy.  He is in a lot of pain and it is so hard for me to watch, helplessly! All I can do is hold him and rock him and tell him everything is going to be alright. Try not to OD him on infants tylonol and baby orajel.

I do not really know why I have decided to start this blog up again… I have been writing in my journal most of the time and I have to say I like that a lot better. Something about handwriting. With the change in my handwriting I can tell what mood I was in. Weird and cool.

So those of you who do not know, I am a stay at home mommy. It is the best and most difficult job in the whole world.  I can say that being a mommy comes really naturally to me. I can also say that being domestic does NOT. Cooking and cleaning????? Ugh. But I am figuring it out slowly but surely!

God is good for so many reasons. I am so thankful He led us to Grace Harbor Community Church.  I have never really truly understood what the body of Christ is until now and I am so thankful to God for allowing me to be a part of a healthy church. I am working through issues I have had in the past, and God is healing these old wounds. I can not hold on to what happened in the past and use it as a reason to keep my guard up. It is prideful to do so.

I love it here in Rhode Island. Who would have thought we would have ended up here?? I would have never guessed it in a million years. It is beautiful in the spring/summer/autumn and it is BRUTAL in the winter! But, the beauty outweighs those few months of misery!

That is all I have time for, because the dirty dishes in the sink are calling my name! I am willing to bet that the moment I put on my stylish pink dishwashing gloves, the baby will awaken from his slumber!

More than a good teacher.

There are many people who think that people who are serious about loving Jesus (commonly and sometimes mockingly called “Jesus Freaks”) are unhealthy in their extreme devotion. Jesus Freaks are often looked at as judgmental, closed-minded and naive. Those who whole-heartedly love Jesus, and strive to His standard of holiness are made fun of, and ridiculed by many who find the faith pointless. However, the common view of Jesus among these people  is this: “He was a great moral teacher but nothing more than that.”

I personally do not understand this line of thinking. In fact, the more I think of it, the more I believe this simply can not be true. Either Jesus is God – deserving of our worship, love, service and reverence. OR, he was psychotic, a liar and one of the most evil men to walk the earth. It HAS to be one or the other.

Evil? Why would He have to be evil? Well, because He knowingly deceived many people. Jesus does not teach that all roads lead to God. Jesus teaches that He is the ONLY way to God.

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes  to the Father except through Me’.”  John 14:6

Multiple times in the Bible, He claims to forgive sins. In Mark 2 when Jesus heals a paralyzed man and declares his sins forgiven, bystanders comment “this man is blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

He allows people to worship Him over and over and over again!

This is insane, right? Yes. Unless He is exactly who He says He is.  Listen to what He told His followers:

“Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:16-20

In my life, Jesus has proven to me that He is exactly who the Bible says He is. So I challenge you to this.

If you are in the middle of the road, thinking that maybe all roads lead to God and Jesus could be one of those ways remember this. Jesus said He is the ONLY way. If you are a person who believes that Jesus was just another great moral teacher, I challenge you to go to the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John, and read exactly what He taught. You may think you already know what it says, but just read it again.

Read it, and draw your own conclusion. He can not be just a great example of morality and peace. He taught much more than that. Read it for yourself.

Our society has trained us to just do what everyone else is doing. We adopt popular opinions without doing the investigating OURSELVES. Why gamble with eternity? Are you really willing to follow the opinions of others even if they lead you to hell? Tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us. That is why if you are a Christian, you should be serious in your walk with the Lord, and recognize the fallen world we are living in.  If you are not a Christian, you should familiarize yourself with the message Jesus gave through the Bible and decide whether to accept it as truth, or reject it. The choice is yours. At least make an informed decision.

Deeper

God is calling me deeper. He is stirring up my soul. I do not know how else to put it. He is moving my soul so much recently, and I am not sure why or how or what exactly I should do.  I am absolutely content in my life right now. This flies in the face of anyone who thinks belief in God is a “crutch”. I do not want for anything in this physical world. I have everything I could possibly want or need.

There is only my longing to better understand and demonstrate the love of God to those around me. There is only my desperation and brokenness for people in darkness to know the love of God, acknowledge Him who took time to create them, and give thanks to Him who continues to give them each breath they take. There is only my desire for those who call themselves “Christians” but  unrepentantly and continuously engage in sin, to realize the serious times we are living in. To wake up and realize that they need to seriously evaluate the state of their own souls.  To read Matthew 7:17-22.

I realize fundamentalism is not popular. Literal belief in the Bible is scoffed at by the world. My friends (if they don’t already) will think I have lost my mind.  I do not care. I no longer am bound by the opinions of others. I will no longer water down what I believe in hopes of not offending them. I will no longer bite my tongue when I feel God pulling me to speak up.

I will not be afraid of being different from the world. This is what Jesus has called us to do. And the world will hate us for it. Jesus said:

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, That is why the world hates you. Remember the words I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. “

I am prepared for that. I am prepared to lose the very friends I pray for faithfully. They will not be able to hate God, and love me. God is such a part of me, that they will have to hate me too. This does not make me happy, but I can no longer suppress the Holy Spirit in hope that no debates arise or no discussions take place. Their salvation is more important than my own ego and I trust that God will lead me into conversations with them that produce fruit.

I will take God at His word. Not for my own benefit, but for the furtherance of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I cannot sit idly on the sidelines any longer fearing what people would think of me.

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” -The Apostle Paul

I Remember…

I remember when I used to update this thing quite regularly with the thoughts swirling around my head. In fact, I dont even know if I have anything to say on here at all. My life is so different than it was just one or two years ago. Im in awe, and shock really. Its that whole “dream come true” feeling you get when part of you wants to really accept and embrace the fact that everything youve ever wanted is happening right before your eyes, but the other part of you is hesitant because you know it could be taken from you any second. Thats where I am. Im a stay at home mommy of a beautiful 4 1/2 month old little boy, and wife of the most loving, kind, generous, gorgeous man Ive ever known.  But its almost as if im living in a fairy tale. Not because we have a lot of money, because we dont. And not because we have fancy things, because we dont. Its because the love we have between the three of us is so strong and real and genuine and powerful that I cant even believe God is allowing me to experience it. And I think in a way, Im scared to let myself get wrapped up in it. & I have to let go. Thats why God put us here. To love, and be loved.

My son is so cute.

Reminder…

I have to play this song every once in a while to remind myself of what is true.

 

Anthonys Blog

I have created a blog all about him!

here is the link!

www.dearanthony.wordpress.com

Happy Sunday!

A Baby Story!

Alright, here we go!

So its wednesday night, and im eating hotwings. well, “mild” wings because im a baby and even though i wanted to do the whole spicy food thing because it supposedly induces labor i couldnt actually  get myself to eat the hot ones.

Anyways, the next morning I woke up at 8:30 and felt really weird. Then I had my first contraction. 5 minutes later, I had another one. 4 minutes later, I had another one and woke up Ian and told him what was going on. I jumped in the shower real quick and Ian timed my contractions with a cell phone. They werent necessarily getting closer together, or getting more intense or anything so I thought maybe they were just painful braxton hicks. After a couple hours of this, Ian decided to call the hospital just in case and ask them what they think we should do. They told us to come in for a labor evaluation. Right before I left, I got my bloody show which is a sign that the baby is coming very soon. On the way, the contractions got worse and were only about 2 minutes apart.  I knew I was gonna have him that day and I got so emotional and started crying and stuff. Before we went in, we prayed in the parking lot that God would have His hands on everything that was going to happen.

So they hooked me up and everything and evaluated me and poked me with an IV to get me hydrated and stuff… and an hour or so later they admitted me. At around 6 I decided to get the epidural, I just was too tired to take the pain anymore. The epidural would not have been too painful if my back was straight. But I had to get poked with that needle 3 different times in 3 different spots before she actually got it in to my spine. I was crying. The hit and miss thing was very painful, but not as painful as the contractions were… not to mention I was having the contractions and being stuck with the needle at the same time.  Not too fun! BUT soooo worth it because it kicked in automatically and I couldnt even tell I was having contractions anymore! It was fabulous.

Then, me and the nurse watched project runway together.

At around 1am though, I started feeling things again, and the epi was wearing off… and even though I was pressing this little button that would give me some more meds, it wasnt working. I was 9.5 cm dilated but apparently the baby had moved and was pretty high up. The contractions were not moving him down the way that they should have. So at around 330 I started pushing to hopefully get him to turn around and come down. It worked!! It was painful, but it worked! And when I say I felt it, I felt it. And I couldnt control myself. I was in a totally different zone, and yelling and being generally insane cause the pain was so intense. I was exactly the woman I didnt want to be. There was even a time when a contraction was coming, and they told me to push and I told them no. hahaha. But somehow, with Ian holding my hand the whole time, I got through it and after a little over an hour of pushing, Anthony was born.  4:46am.

It was so surreal that I didnt even cry or anything right away. It was hard to believe that the 7.5 lb little boy in front of me was inside of me 5 minutes ago.

He is healthy and lovely and the cutest sweetest little boy ever. Ive never been happier in my entire life. He is so precious.

:)

I absolutely love my husband.

And as much as I want this baby to come right now, I really am enjoying the time that Ian and I get to have together until he gets here. we had such a nice day today just hanging out and talking and listening to sermons and driving around. . . it was lovely and relaxing. Im so glad God gave me such a great man. He is going to be such a fantastic father, I am so thankful!

Anyways we went to the doctors today and she said that she would induce on the 30th if Anthony isnt here by then. hooray! Im not dilated at all, but 50% effaced… but she said that the baby is really low and in position so at least thats good. (aka… hopefully no c-section needed!) So, at least I see an end in sight! whoo-hoo!

Also, i have PUPPPS, which is this awesome rash that appears late in your pregnancy and tortures you until you give birth. It affects a whopping 1% of all pregnancies. And nothing works for it. Nothing. Gold bond and a cold washcloth work the best for me, but the baby hates the cold and gets all wiggly and tries to kick the cloth off… its amusing on some level, until i start feeling bad for making him uncomfortable… even though im sure im MUCH more uncomfortable without my cloth! ha!

Anyway, thats the update! A week to go! Overall, Im pretty cranky and truly avoiding phone calls (sorry) because im just not in the mood for small talk. Im too uncomfortable to be able to focus on anything else than my own uncomfortability, and the last thing i want to do is complain on the phone. Oh, and I cut 15 inches off my hair! I donated it to locks of love. Its really short and I like it. It is super easy.

Ok thats really the update. Ive been having contractions tonight, and I really hope something comes of them. I doubt it though, but I hope so!